Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
