So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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