You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
