you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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