just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
