Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I met the friendliest cop last night
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
