I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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