I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
