It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
