pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize