if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I feel like abortions should bother me more
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!