need another drink. this is the easiest way
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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