Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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