oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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