I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You left your underwear on the fireplace
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Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
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I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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