He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
