is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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