I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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