I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
