I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
