so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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