My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
