he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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