We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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