id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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