so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
