last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
