my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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