So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
