zippers are such a cool invention
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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