Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
