I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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