I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
