brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
