Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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