So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
