i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
