paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Randomize
