I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
they're like a gay fantastic four
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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