he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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