24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
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I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
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I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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