There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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