Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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