im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
