At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
