I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
