i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
