tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize