Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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