Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
