And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
