O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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