wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
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We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
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i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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