How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
