Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
COCAINE IS GR8
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
