hotel room ftw
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
