Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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