It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
